Blah Blah Blah
by BananaBabe903
Summary: DW, Secret Diary of a Call Girl crossover. The Doctor waits for Rose and mistakes Hannah for her, and Hannah mistakes him as a client. With song "Blah Blah Blah". One-shot/crack humor. Rated M for safety.


**There's some hot stuff in here, so I wanted to know whether it should be rated T or M... if you think it should be rated higher, just review and let me know!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" nor "Doctor Who". Or the song "Blah Blah Blah".**

**Song: "Blah Blah Blah (ft. Boys Like Girls) by Ke$ha.  
**

* * *

The Doctor tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for Rose to get back to the TARDIS. How long did it take for her to chit-chat with her mother? Honestly, he could care less about Kourtney Kardishan's boyfriend leaving her or whatnot. He already knew how that romance in the future was going to play out!

Finally, he saw her exit the apartment in a flurry, her hair slightly darker and she in different clothing.

"Finally, Rose, God! How long did it take? Did your mum do your hair? Where'd you get your outfit? Whatever, just come inside and let's get this done!" he proclaimed, dragging her inside.

"B-but," she stuttered, looking back to the street. And then she said something that sounded like, "You must be a giant!" But he quickly ignored her.

"No, no, Rose, you can't keep talking with your mother, you know how she has a strange animosity for me!" the Doctor dragged her in the TARDIS and shoved her in the console room, he strangely exhilarated. Rose looked slightly confused. He didn't know why though! He had just seen her one hour ago…

* * *

Hannah quickly ran out of Powell Estates. God, she had another client in five minutes and she was late! Stupid man and his alcohol…

"Finally, how long did it take?" a very attractive man stepped in front of her, grabbing her arm and babbling at a million miles per hour.

"Oh, you must be my client!" Hannah cried as he dragged her towards a box… and that was when she feared the worst. He sort of "threw" her in the box, and Hannah was astounded that it was bigger on the inside!

"It's huge!" Hannah wowed, analyzing everything around her.

The man cocked his head at her. "You just saw this place an hour ago!" Hannah quietly chuckled to herself as the man thought she was talking about their scenery.

"Okay, well before we get started… crap, I forgot my good clothes back at the apartment!" Hannah smacked her forehead, and then realized how un-sexy she sounded.

"I have a closet!" the man said. "C'mon, Rose, just follow me." He pushed her into other rooms and around several stairs until they reached the closet. It was huge!

* * *

The Doctor pondered to himself how weird Rose was acting. It was like an alien wiped her brain of all the memory… no, what if Jackie did it? What if she found Torchwood and erased all memory Rose had of the Doctor…? Would she forget their passionate kiss?? Well, it wasn't really _passionate _considering Rose was possessed at the time, but what if she was possessed now, then…

"Okay, cowboy, let's do this." Rose popped back into the room, wearing… the Doctor's eyes popped. She wore a lacy black bra, a lacy black thong, a fake gun strapped to her hips and black boots on. Her hair was let loose around her face, and her makeup was _dazzling_.

"Whoa," the Doctor breathed. Something _must've _happened to Rose! Perhaps she was possessed and she was supposed to seduce him and then kill him afterwards! "Now, Rosie I--,"

"I have a feeling you're an adventurous man," moaned Rose, twirling her hair as she got closer to the Doctor. "So that's why I sort of got this ensemble together. Especially the gun—nice touch, don't cha think?" she stepped closer to the Doctor. "So, let's, love, make an _adventure _together…" the Doctor soon found himself inches away from Rose.

"Now Rose, based on molecular malfunction and certain degrees of phanisiphate porpsulife changing of the bones--,"

"Oh just shut up!" soon the Doctor found his lips against Rose's, and after that, he just couldn't resist.

_Comin' out your mouth with your blah blah blah  
Zip your lip like a padlock_

Finally, the Doctor broke free and breathed, "Let's take this to my bedroom." He grabbed Rose's hand and led her to his bed. They jumped on when the Doctor realized his mistake.

"You know, this is wrong. You've been possessed Rose—something's wrong with you. Did your mother do anything with it?" the Doctor demanded to know. "Because the tiripial structure of--,"

_And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox  
I don't really care where you live at  
Just turn around boy, let me hit that  
Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat  
Just show me where your dicks at_

"Seriously, _shut up_!" Rose grabbed the Doctor and began pulling off his jacket and everything else. The two resumed making out, Rose's breath hot and minty against the Doctor's neck.

* * *

Hannah groaned and then planted her lips over his again. God, he must've had some experience before, because he was _good_! She was getting paid real good for this… but he would not just shut up, would he???

"D'ya have a wife?" she asked, moving to her knees, towering over him.

"You should know." He tried to get her back to his level again but she giggled and ran away to the wall. She grabbed onto a coat hanger and moved her index finger back and forth, motioning for him to come and get her. He did, and Hannah was pushed against the wall, the two making out.

_Musics up  
Listen hot stuff  
I'm in love  
With this song  
So just hush  
Baby shut up  
Heard enough_

Finally, the man stopped for breath and huffed, "I don't think this is good for you. I mean, all this time and your hormones and the chalingbon molecular phase is--,"

Hannah felt like rolling her eyes, but knew if she did she wouldn't get much in return.

_Stop t-t-talkin' that  
Blah blah blah  
Think you'll be getting this  
Nah nah nah  
Not in the back of my  
Car-ar-ar  
If you keep talking that  
Blah blah blah blah blah_

"Y'know…" Hannah moaned, seductively, pulling him in by his tie. "You're pretty good at this stuff… as in _really _good. Gimme some more, baby." She slid off several more clothing items.

Hannah smirked as he gasped as she went back to the bed and slid under the covers, but not before unhooking the back of her bra strap. He followed her like a sick puppy dog.

_Boy come on get your rocks stuff  
Come put a little love in my glove box  
I wanna dance with no pants on, holla  
Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox_

Suddenly the bedroom began to shake back and forth. Hannah didn't care though. Good scenery! Wonder how he managed to pull it all off…

* * *

The Doctor felt Rose's body pressed against his, when suddenly the TARDIS began moving. He didn't care though. The TARDIS could take them to the end of time and space, the explosions of the super novas and he wouldn't care. 'Cause he was with Rose.

Suddenly, he heard his bedroom door swing open and a gasp came. "Doctor!" his eyes swung up and he saw… _ROSE _standing in the doorway, an aghast look on her face. "What the hell are you doing????"

The girl he _presumed _to be Rose murmured, "So I'm guessing you _do _have a wife…" with that, she slipped her minimal clothing back on, blew a kiss to the Doctor, and walked out the door.

"Rose????" the Doctor gasped. "I—I… I…!!!!" Rose rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You thought that was _me_, didn't you?" she scowled. She wagged her finger at him. "Naughty, naughty!"

"I—I… I'm sorry Rose, she looks _exactly _like you and I was trying to see if she'd kill me or not or if you were possessed or--," Rose walked over while he was talking and put a finger to his lips.

"Well, let's get where you guys left off," Rose hinted, slipping off her jacket. "Oh, and Doctor?"

The Doctor swore he would faint any second. "Yes, Rose?" he responded, faintly, as Rose closed in on him.

"Shut up with your blah blah blah."

* * *

**Haha there it is! :) Please R&R if u liked it!!!!!! And please review to change the rating if you must!**


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